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March 26, 2005

Valley Of The Shadow Of Death

**Before I write, the following thank yous need to go out. (This is totally a partial list- just the ones who were at the hospital) My wife is my rock, my strength, my joy. She walks alongside me and never wavers. She is an old soul- who knows things about life at a young age- that many never learn in a lifetime. The time that I spent with her and my "daddy-in-law" Rod, really has prepared me for a time such as this. They see life as few do (including being able to laugh at anything and everything!) and that has rubbed off on me and made me strong. Nate Cox- Look up "friend" in a dictionary and you find his mug staring at you. The two hours that we spent laughing and joking and marveling at how God works, were the crucial hours in that day. You got me through. You were on my mind in the minutes up until I went to sleep! Picasso- for always being present. For giving of yourself and being a sounding board for me during this time. Shane, Tony and Mike- just for being there on that day... huge. Pastor Rick and Pastor Tom- for making a long drive to be there- for your unwavering faith and covering. For loving me as your own son. For my parents- who always make me the priority of their lives, no matter the cost.

Those strange little holes in the corkboard ceiling do nothing but confuse you more. "Why do they put those there and what are they for?", you think, to keep those inevitable, dark thoughts away. Those dark thoughts- which have hammered you all week since Sunday- when the stark reality dawned on you- that THIS was the week that it all would go down. This atrocity was really going to happen... and there's nothing you could do to stop it.

So, there I lay- half-naked, little blue booties hanging precariously off my feet- getting ready to have all life's questions answered. IS GOD REAL? or AM I ALL ALONE? Think about it- that really sums up all that we long for, work for, live for and die for on this planet. We all just want to know that we are not alone. All the striving- to make money, make friends, have houses, create reputations- all of it comes down to that simple need. We need to know that we are not alone.

I've been in the church since I was born. I've realized this. Many Christians that I know are just like Jesus' disciple THOMAS. Called "doubting Thomas" by many- this man was fascinating. I mean, the guy walked and talked with the living God. He watched Jesus heal, cast out demons and change the weather with a simple command. Yet he still would not "let go" and believe! I have a sorrow in my life that is far more painful than any surgery or cancer that I could go through. That is all the Thomas' in my life. The ones who I know and love, who, for whatever reason, no longer believe. The ones who chase careers, money, success, reputation or family over Jesus. I lie awake at nights sometimes, fighting in the Spirit for those people's souls. I've come to the sorrowful conclusion that I cannot "save" them. They have to choose for themselves, just as I have done. All I can do is pray.

Yesterday was Good Friday. A day to reflect. It's interesting to me, to follow what happened to our friend, Thomas, during and after Good Friday. Because the DOUBTING disciple became the MISSING disciple during this time! Even after Jesus rose from the dead, Thomas was not at the first meetings of the early church. That sums up so many of us. Heck- I've been there many times. Sometimes you get so fed up with people at churches, who have gotten in the way of Jesus, that you just go missing. Your friends get hurt, pastors just want your money- maybe you got into some nasty stuff and were afraid that going back would bring judgement. Who knows? The bottom line is this- you think you are ALONE. You've seen or felt or heard about Jesus, yet you are not ready to put yourself on the line for Him. Not quite ready to make a fool of yourself for the Truth. There is too much to risk, right? Yup- sometimes there has to be a defining moment in your life. The moment when you sink your fingers into the holes in His flesh- His hands and His feet. What day is that for you?

Jesus raised from the dead on a Sunday. He had 40 simple days to prove to the world that He was alive and had risen. The entire future of the human race depended on Jesus proving himself alive in that short period of time. And yet, who did Jesus chase down to prove Himself risen?

The MISSING disciple. The DOUBTING disciple. Thomas. It was like- oh, Thomas- you walked alongside me for three long years. I poured my heart and soul into you, dude. what is it going to take to make you believe in me? Now, I want you to imagine being this dude. What would it be like to be visited, one on one, by the risen Jesus Christ- and offered to touch the very wounds that saved the entire world? Think of that, and that is how I felt on the operating gurney on Thursday. Jesus gave us the opportunity, once and for all, to prove to us that He is real. Imagine how Thomas' hand must have been shaking as he pressed into the supernatural holes. Imagine the rest of your life being changed. Jesus WENT OUT OF HIS WAY to show Thomas his scars. For many of you reading this blog, my story probably sounds a bit strange. I'm probably "off the deep end" for many of you. But I want you to do this... STOP, close your eyes- and tell me... is Jesus standing there right now? Are his hands held out to you? Do you SEE the holes in His hands? Are you ready to grab on to Him- and by doing that, let go of yourself? Are you ready to join in not only the pure JOY of eternal and abundant life, but the beautiful sorrows of living for Jesus? He'll walk you through your VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH. The one thing I can tell you is THIS: IF YOU GRAB HIS NAIL SCARRED HANDS, YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE.

Just as I had to answer those questions, seconds before being wheeled in, Jesus is waiting for all of us- in our time of facing death- to answer YES, I AM REAL. And, NO, YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. "BEHOLD, I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS, EVEN UNTO THE END OF THE AGE".

As I saw those tiny holes in the ceiling fade away, told my wife I loved her and faced the unknown, the song on my IPOD flipped to a song by Jason Upton. Man- this life has some seriously terrifying moments, but this song says it all:

Don’t be afraid baby don’t you cry
Daddy’s here it will be all right
You’re not alone you’re not alone
Don’t be afraid when you’re cold at night
I will keep you warm I will hold you tight
You’re not alone you’re not alone
Look beyond the window there
To the sky above to the open air
Look beyond what you can see
Close your eyes and just believe
The lion roars and the lamb lay down
They live together in a whole new town
They’re calling me and they’re calling you
From the cold hard facts that we’re on our own
To the age old truth that we’re not alone
Don’t be afraid when you scrape your knee
I’ve got a band aide waiting and a kiss for free
You’re not alone you’re not alone
Don’t be afraid of your blind belief
Because the more you fly the more you’ll see
You’re not alone you’re not alone
Look beyond the window there
To the sky above to the open air
Look beyond what you can see
Close your eyes and just believe
The lion roars and the lamb lay down
They live together in a whole new town
They’re calling me and they’re calling you
From the cold hard facts that we’re on our own
To the age old truth that we’re not
Don’t be afraid little warrior bride
Your victory’s on the other side
You’re not alone you’re not alone
© 2004 Jason Upton & Key of David Ministries. All rights reserved

Posted by chasyrdrmz at March 26, 2005 09:32 AM

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